Hello? It’s me…

Hey guys.

I appreciate it’s been a long time so I doubt if any of you will remember me. I’m really, really sorry for just vanishing. Remember when I said I was worried about people I know in real life had found my blog? Probably not…I don’t blame you. Anyway, that and just life in general was stressing me out so I took a break from blogging for a week, then started up a new blog. I wanted to tell you guys earlier about moving to a new blog, but I just wanted to make sure if someone I know had found this blog, they would have probably given up by now.

I’m not going to post my new blog url on here, just incase, so if you want to follow my new blog, drop me an email address below or alternatively email me at ramblingteen28@gmail.com if you don’t want to share your email address publically and I’ll send you the link.

Hope you are all ok, sorry it’s been soooooo long and I forgive you if you have forgotten me or don’t really care anymore.

Thanks for reading, byeeeeee. 🙂

Your thoughts are a lonely place to live.

Do you ever get those days where you wish you could just curl up into a ball and hibernate? Do you ever feel that no one would miss you if you did, so you might as well just sleep for a few months? Do you ever feel like you’re drowning under the weight if living and simple can’t bear to go on this way anymore? Do you ever feel like the impossible scenarios you imagine in your head are the only thing that reassures you that life will get better eventually?

I do.

Somedays I feel like I only have two or three real friends at most. Somedays I feel that everyone else just sees straight through me, as if I am a ghost that they only ‘believe’ when they need something. Somedays I feel angry at myself for standing by and letting others take advantage of me. Somedays I feel like I really don’t fit in here, or anywhere for that matter.

Today was one of those days.

Now I look back and think about everything I did wrong to do and all that I could have done to make my day better. Now I look back and think of all the words I could have said in conversations that I didn’t because I was scared of stuttering. Now I look back and think of all the things I did manage to say that just made me sound too ‘posh’ or ‘boring’ or ‘weird’. Now I look back and wish I could travel back in time and change all that.

Now it’s too late.

Today was just another of the hundereds of days that I nerely existed instead of lived. Today was just another step further and further away from ever fitting in and being socially graceful. Today was just another day where I subconciously isolated myself from people around because…I don’t know. Today was just another day where I remembered that life is unfair and horrible and that no one can ever really escape it.

Today I let my flaws beat me down.

Tomorrow is, after all, another day. Tomorrow is another chance for me to have a good day. Tomorrow is another chance for me to have a bad day. Tomorrow is what I make it, or rather what my thoughts make it as I am livong vicariously through this dreams and hopes that rattle round my head with no sign of escape.

Tomorrow I’ll just have to wait and see.

For now I’ll just curl up in my bed and pretend I’m somewhere else. For now I’ll just let todays tears stream into tomorrow’s morning. For now I’ll just keep existing in the hope that tomorrow I will live. For now I’ll just think about all the other lonely souls who are living in
their thoughts.

For now, that’s all we can do.

@ramblingteen28

Dreams don’t have to just be dreams.

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Dream...

We all have dreams – things we want to achieve in our lifetimes, things we want to do, things we want to see. It’s only natural to dream and want to do something better with our lives or try out something new and we should embrace our dreams.

There is no such thing as  ‘unrealistic dreams’, only dreams we have stopped beleiving, given up on almost.

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Clouds!!

But we shouldn’t give up on our dreams. No matter how long it takes, eventually you can make those dreams happen. No dream can ever be achieved without trying and putting all your effort in to it so, really, by thinking of our dreams as ‘unrealistic’, we are basically just saying we are no longer prepared to work hard for these dreams, which is a little lazy of us if you ask me but we all give up on dreams sometimes.

Dreams are what motivates me to work hard – in and out of school – and remind me that this will all pay of eventually. I expect dreams are the same for you too.

As you probably have guessed by now, my dream us to revisit Berlin and, maybe, live there. I know that this will only be possible in about 10 years or so after I have gone to university, got a job and earnt some money but I also know I will work so damn hard to achieve this dream and I hope one day I will look back on this and think: I did it!!

Another one of my dreams is to learn to snowboard. After watching the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi on TV, I became hooked on the sport and waited almost a year before I was able to try out the sport for the first time. Of course, it was on an artificial ski slope in the middle of the woods which is nothing like the real thing I’m sure but that taster session has definitely reinforced my dream and now I am dying to get back on the slopes!

These are just two of my dreams. I have many more, smaller dreams but these are two I wanted to talk about because I think these will be the hardest to achieve for me. I’ve always been a fairly acedemic person but when it comes to sport or socialising, I really struggle with these things. Moving to Germany will be hard. I won’t know anyone. I will be miles away from my family and friends. I don’t even know if I will even be able to speak German by then. What I do know is that I will make my best effort to fit in.

The same goes for snowboarding. I am terrible at sport. I have no balance. I have a fear of steep slopes and heights. I am very clumsy and tend to injure myself a lot. But that won’t stop me trying. Anything can be achieved with lots of practice, right? I hope so.

I’m sure you have your own dreams, I’d love to hear about them! Just remember to never stop dreaming and fighting to achieve those dreams. Don’t let your dreams just be dreams. You can do anything, all you need is to believe.

@wandering_teen

Lets clear some things up…

The problem with blogging anonomously is that it’s hard to tell if other anonomous bloggers are actually people I know in real life or vice versa.

Now I have reason to believe that my blog has been discovered by some people I know in real life as they have said things to me that suggests they have been reading my blog.

The whole point of being an anonomous blogger is that I can share my thoughts and feelings and opinions without being identified by people who know me in real life. I don’t feel like I can do that anymore.

So, all I ask is that if anyone out there is reading this and thinking ‘actually I do know who this blogger is in real life’ because the people that do would beable to easily recognise me from reading some of my posts, would you mind unfollowing me/un-bookmark my blog and Twitter account? Basically can you just forget about my blog and delete any records of it you may have? I’d really respect it if you could because the reason I write things on here that I don’t say out loud is because I don’t want people who know me in real life to know these things. If I wanted you to know, I’d tell you. It’s not that I don’t trust you guys, it’s just that I prefer to write my feelings on here them say them out loud and risk rumours being spread, it’s just easier.

Here is what I’m going to do:
by 4 pm tomorrow, my blog will have a new URL, I’ll have a different WordPress username and I will change my Twitter.

So between now and then, I’m giving everyone who does know me in real life the chance to delete all the ways they access my blog and to just forget about it. I’m not going to be mad if you don’t (well, maybe a little) but I’d really appreciate it if you did.

I’m sorry for any opinions I have shared on here that may have offended or upset you but please could you not mention anything about my blog in public so if you do want to speak to me face-to-face about my blog, please do it discretely.

I’m not asking anyone (people who know me in real life) to confess to finding my blog, but if you do want to talk to me about it then you can FB message/DM/text me or whatever.

Thanks for reading this and again I’d just like to ask you to consider what I have said and to please stop reading my blog.

This is the last time I will be changing my blog URL and usernames and stuff because of people in real life so if this happens again, I am just going to give up blogging.

Thank you and sorry to any incovenience this has caused to my lovely internet friends, I guess sometimes it’s just hard to keep real life and internet life seperate.

Bye! 🙂

Can we all just stop for a second and be human for once?

 

Mental health can be a difficult topic to talk about sometimes. Especially when I have never really been affected by a diagnosed mental illness myself and have no idea whether what I am about to say will be taken the wrong way by people with more knowledge and experience than me. I hope it doesn’t but if you disagree with anything I am about to say, please just accept that this is my personal opinion and I am not trying to force my views on to anyone, I just want to explain my point of view and give you something to think about.

Some may say I have no right to talk about this, considering my knowledge of what it feels like to have a mental health illness may be considered as ‘too’ limited by some people, but I think I do.

Everyone, whether they realise it or not, has the possibility of being affected by mental health illnesses and has or will probably at some point in their lives wonder if what they are experiencing would be classed as a mental health disorder. I know I have. I  still do for that matter. It is estimated that 10% of 5-16 year olds suffer with a clinically diagnosable mental health disorder.

Let’s talk about the words: clinically diagnosable. This implies that a mental health disorder has been verified and determined according to a set criteria of symptoms – for want of a better word – that a person with a particular mental illness is said to commonly experience.

If just 10% of 5-16 year olds fit this criteria and have been diagnosed with a mental health disorder, then what about all those that haven’t?

What about all those that suffer in silence for fear of being told by a doctor or psychiatrist that what they are experiencing doesn’t perfectly fit these set ‘criteria’ of symptoms and being turned away as they are merely making ‘mountains out of molehills’?

What about all those who are told by people around them ‘you don’t have depression, you don’t cry all the time’ or ‘you don’t have anxiety, you’ve never had a panic attack’?

Do, for example, the UKs mental health provisions cater for them?

Do they offer them support and counselling as they may do to those who have mental health illness that comply to this criteria and has been formally diagnosed?
I don’t think so.

But this is not really the point I wanted to make. What I really wanted to explain was my view that mental health illnesses can’t and shouldn’t be defined.

Mental health illnesses are different for every single person. No one can really know and understand what is going on in another persons head, not even the very best, most renowned physcologists. Mental health illnesses are personal to you. Only you yourself can define whether your mental health is good or bad.

Therefore, is it right for people to have to go to a doctor ask for  confirmation – based on the judgement of one or a couple of people – that what they are going through is due to poor mental health?

Is it right that we should tell others that they are not suffering from a mental health disorder and ‘faking’ just because they have not been formally diagnosed by a doctor who doesn’t have a complete understanding of what thoughts run through you mind constantly and keep you awake at night?

Is it right for people to tell others to ‘stop self-diagnosing mental health disorders on the internet and thinking you are going to die because mental health is a serious issue’ (a tweet of one of my classmates after our mental health awareness day at school)?

Is it right for people who have been clinically diagnosed with mental health disorders to tell others to stop ‘faking’ mental illnesses and thinking it’s ‘cool’ to have a mental health disorder because they know what it’s like for every single person with that disorder and can ‘magically’ know whether someone has it or not? Is it right for anyone to tell anyone what to do or think?

Is it right for anyone to make a judgement about whether someone has a mental health disorder or not, regardless of whether they have been diagnosed?

I don’t think so.

So can we just all stop for one second and be human? Can we just stop claiming that we know every little thing about another person and every little thing that goes through their brain? Because that’s what we’re doing, thinking we have the right to judge others. When really we don’t.

The truth is, everyone judges each other. All the time. It’s part of human nature. But I believe we have become ignorant to this and started a sort of ‘war’ over judgements – for example some people with diagnosed mental health disorders may feel like others are pretending to have mental health disorders to gain attention whilst other people may feel as if some people with diagnosed mental health disorders were just attention seeking on the first place. This is all so stupid.

We should be uniting to support anyone and everyone who suffers from a mental health disorder, whether they have been told so by a qualified doctor or made that decision after conducting their own research, not arguing and disagreeing and judging all the time.

We all go around saying whatever comes into our minds to whoever without thinking of the consequences or how that person may personally be affected by our one-sided, inaccurate judgements.

Unfortunately, mental health has become a victim of this. Of us. Mental health disorders can’t be defined and can’t be determined by a set list of symptoms. Not really anyway.

So for one second can we just stop believing that they can be? It would solve a whole lot of time and effort to just accept that we are all different and mental health is different for all of us instead of naming people as ‘fake’ or ‘attention seeking’. In the end, whether someone does or does not suffer from a mental health disorder, it is not right to tell anyone that their own judgement of their own mental health is wrong. We should accept and trust what each other says until we have evidence or proof that a person has misused this trust and can let ourselves believe otherwise.

So, can we just move on from this and start being a little bit more human now, please?

Can we just start trusting what each other says again?

Can we just stop picking holes in everything?

The world would be a happier place if we could.

@ramblingteen28

Scouting adventures…

Scouting adventuresLast week was very eventful as far as Scouting is concerned.

To start with, on Monday I went to cub scouts and we tauggt the cubs about the cub scout promise, law and motto. We played various games too like trying to get across the hall by jumping across chairs.

On Thursday I was supposed to start back at explorer scouts after the winter break but I decided not to go as I had a two hour French exam the next day and I wanted to study. I do feel guilty for not going though as it was our planning evening and everyone is supposed to come forward with an idea for an evening they would like to run. I will have to wait until I go to cubs tonight and ask one of the other young leaders what we are doing this week at explorers.

In other news, me and the other two young leaders that help out at our local cub pack all got nominated for the Young Leader of the Year Award. I am so happy and proud of us because we all put loads of effort into helping at cubs and we helped to save the cub pack from closure. We have been helping there nearly two years now and it feels so great to get some recognition. So the award ceremony is in February and we are all invited and have to turn up in our uniform along with the other nominees for the various different awards. I’m so excited but nervous at the same time as you have to go up onto a stage while they read out a speech about you then they decide the winner. Although this is not a national award ceremony (it’s only for my district) it’s still a great honour to be nominated. I’ll probably do a seperate post about this on the day though after I have been to the ceremony and I promise I’ll let you know how it goes! I literally had a mini heart attack when I got the letter the other day…

Anyway, the next bit of news is kind of sad. Yesterday I found out one of the young leaders at my cub pack who I have become good friends with now is leaving in February (after the awards ceremomy of course) to make time for studying. Even though he goes to my school and explorer scout group, I am going to miss him because cubs is the only place we actually talk. 😦

So as you can tell I was quite busy with scouty things last week but I think this week will be a little less hectic (hopefully).

Hope everyone had a good week and weekend! Bye. 🙂

@ramblingteen28

Exam revision tips…

Now we all know that that time of year where we find ourselves bogged down in exams is approaching quicker than we’d like. The best way to be prepared for exams is to start early so that’s what I decided to do this weekend.

Since I am in Year 11 – the final year of secondary school – I have most of my GCSE exams this year – 16 in total and 2 AS level exams. Last year I did 5 GCSE exams which I am so glad I did as it meant I have 5 less to do this year.

So, here is what I did this weekend to prepare me for exam time:
1. Revision timetable – This is essential to making sure your revision for the exams goes to plan and you have enough time to cover all of the course content. Here is what my revision timetable currently looks like:

 

 

To make it I wrote down each exam I will be taking and how many revision sessions I’d like to spend on each exam (I’d say 12 is about the average per exam if your not sure. However if you find a subject easier or harder then you can adjust this accordingly. If your subjects are divided into topics, you could do 3-4 revision sessions per topic.)

Here is my list:

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After that worked out realistically the maximum amount of revision sessions I could do per week ( I think my limit was 17) then added up the total number of revision sessions I wanted to do and divided it by my maximum per week. This sounds quite complicated but it is basically just to work out how many weeks it will take you to revise everything that you want to.

Then once you now how many weeks it will take, find out the date of your first exam and count backwards the amount of weeks you will be revising. This will give you your revision start date.

My first exam is on May 16th and I am starting my revision on February 8th. Which gives me about 20-ish weeks of revision.

Then you can draw out a calendar (or use a real one) from your revision start date to the date of your last exam and plot your revision sessions on there. I decided to colour co-ordinate my subject revision sessions with different coloured/patterned post-it notes so I could move them around if I wanted to.

I know people have different ways of making revision timetables, this is just mine but feel free to use it if you want and if you want me to explain it more clearly please comment below.

2. Planning revision sessions – It’s all very well making a revision timetable, but unless you decide how you are going to structure revision sessions for each subject, you’ll be stuck for what to do when it actually comes to revising.

I used one of my new notebooks that I bought a few weeks ago as a revision planner. I dedicated one page to each subject/exam and then wrote out what I would do in each revision session and what topics I would revise.

Here is an example of my revision plan for Government and Politics:

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3. Revision guides – To me revision guides are vital, I would be stuck without them. They give you a summary of all the subject content and some even have practice exam questions. Most of my revision plans are based around using revision guides. Some schools may give them out for free for certain subjects like maths and English but if not you can buy them easily online from Amazon or Ebay and they range from £3 – £12 depending whether they are second-hand or not. I’d highly recommend getting one for each of your subjects, just make sure you get the correct exam board or the content may be different.

Here are my revision guides:

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4. Past exam papers – These are also really helpful for revision as you get to now the style of the exam questions and test yourself to see how effective your revision has been. Sometimes teachers may give these to you for homework or just to help you revise but if not, in the UK (I’m not too sure about other countries) you can go onto the exam board website and find lots of past papers and mark schemes for your course which can be printed out.

These are some I used last year for my history exams:

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5. Resources/equipment – This is vital for preparing for your exams – you don’t want to start your revision in a couple of months to find out you’ve run out of notepads or highlighters or anything so it’s best to stock up on these in advance.

Here are a list of things I suggest you get before you start revising:
– Notepads – lined or plain paper, whatever your preference.
– A3 paper – if you like drawing mind maps then you’ll probably want bigger paper instead of A4.
– Post-it notes – handy for making revision timetables like mine or can be used as a revision method.
– Highlighters – I use these to highlight the important facts in revision guides before I start revising seriously so I can easily pick out important things to learn.
– Felt tip pens/fine liners/pencils – whatever you want to use to make your revision colourful and bright.
– A4 card – to make flashcards with important facts/concepts/key individuals/case studies etc (can make them out of paper if you want to).
– Ring-binders/folders – to separate your revision resources for each subject and keep everything neat and tidy.
– Whiteboard – if you study a language then a whiteboard is really useful to learn vocabulary as you can write down words then rub them off then re-write them. It only needs to be an A4 sized one so they are not that expensive either.
– Ball point pens/biros – no explaination needed really, without pens you wouldn’t be able to write anything so make sure you have a large supply!

6. Relaxation – revising for exams is really stressful at times so it us important to give yourself time to relax in your revision timetable and also treat yourself to some things that will help you relax. For example I bought a pair of headphones a few weeks ago which are really comfy and I plan to use them a lot when revising.

Here are some other things you could get/do to help you to relax:
– New music – why not treat yourself to some new songs or an album even?
– Colouring books and pencils – I’ve just bought a Harry Potter colouring book which I’m going to use.

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– Bubble bath/bath bombs or fizzers – I find baths really relaxing and I love buying new bubble baths and stuff.
– New books – reading is a great way to relax too, just make sure you don’t get too addicted to a book and spend more time reading it than actually revising! (Not that I’ve ever done that
…)
– Nail polish – sounds a bit odd but I love painting my nails and find it really relaxing and it distracts me from the stress of school work and whatnot.
– Puzzles – again puzzles are relaxing to do and give you something constructive to do outside of revision.
– Playing musical instruments – I play the guitar and the keyboard and I find it is a nice break from school work.
– Exercise – I know, I’m sorry for using that word, but it’s true, exercise can help you to relax. I’m starting to go cycling every Saturday morning with my sister and I love it because it’s really peaceful and it feels great to go out and get some fresh air!

So, that’s it for my exam revision tips! All that’s left to say is that it is never to early to prepare for exams and best of luck to any one who is doing exams this year! Plus if you think preparing for exams is boring, trust me it’s not. I’ve spent my whole weekend doing this and I’ve found it really relieving to know that when the 8th February comes around and I start revising for my exams, I will be ready and have everything I need.

Bye, thanks for reading.

P.s I am aware a few people have nominated me for awards, I ha e kind of lost track so if you have please could you comment on this so I know and  can catch up soon! 🙂

@ramblingteen28